dear crushie

cowardly move but i just want to let go of some things and to release feelings. papasabog na naman ako ng feelings so pakibasa naman please.

though warning: probably gonna be too long so kung ayaw mabore, don’t bother.

dear crushie,

awkward hello! char arte haha was supposed to text you kasi miss na kita kaso putangina talaga ng dinaanan ng truck yung phone ko, di ko tuloy magamit. di naman kita ma-pm, di ko naman alam kung anong sasabihin.

why am i doing this? di pa naman ako mamamatay, shur ako di ka pa naman mawawala kasi masamang damo ka naman pero you just deserve some acknowledgements for being such a wonderful person.

so konting chika muna, alam mo ba, nakipagpustahan ako sa mga kaibigan ko. kapag pumasa ako sa west visayas state university, aamin akong gusto kita. ipapangalandakan ko pa nga dapat sa buong mundo eh kaso di daw ako pumasa. but then, last week, my mom got a call and nakapasok daw ako, so technically pumasa ako. wasn’t supposed to do this pero might as well, wala namang mawawala sakin haha

 

recently, pinaalala ng facebook na it’s been a year since we became friends, funny and kakaloka pero alam ko na yon matagal na HAHA inaabangan ko na nga yung date at kung kailan magpopost si facebook ng celebrate friendship blah blah para may excuse akong magpost sa facebook for you hahahah fak

it’s been a year; it’s been a great year and i was definitely lucky to have met you online amongst the millions there. to reminisce, i remember sending you a message kasi dine-demo ko lang kay reg kung papaano magmessage sa mga tao, and sakto ikaw yung nahanap naming few of the matino to which i didn’t even expect na papatulan mo. you had me at repeated letters and your eagerness to converse with me just caught me. maka-english ka din naman wagas and the more we talked, the more i grew this liking towards you.

you know how judgemental i was and getting to know you, i expected conyo, sosyalero, mayabang, rich kid vibes, and very picky ka but you were the exact opposite. you were so down to earth, practical, and approachable. your personality was very attractive at lalo akong naattract nung naging friends tayo sa facebook at nakita ko ang topless mong picture na may bitbit kang sanga. napaputangina na lang ako at shet u da one na lang nasabi ko haha real talk yan :)) that was my favorite picture of you and i admired that most of the days na trips kitang istalk haha

and oo umasa ako sa sparks natin kasi magkatext na nga tayo na maharot pa haha but then, nagkadengue ka, at sumama na ata sa lamok palayo ang pagasa ko sayo haha though i was thinking, why was i even hoping for something when obviously, i’m such a contrast from your ideal type. so what the hell, i made it as obvious as i could na gusto kita and i just enjoyed my feelings for you, kahit di na ireciprocate solve na ako.

soon enough, i thanked that opportunity that finally i could meet you personally hoping to end the feelings i have for you. hinanapan kita ng mali nung araw na yon, pero i failed miserably and lalo lang akong na attach. nakakainis! you just clicked and fit the picture like you have been a part of it; your social skills are unmatched. and since then, naging bukambibig na kita sa lahat ng tao sa paligid ko.

oo crushie tawag ko sayo. everyone who knows me, knows you as such. barkada ko, friends ko, classmates ko, even mga batchmates ko sa utrek and gym team, alam kung sino ka. you were my energy booster. lalong lalo na pag training, oh, suntukin mo nga tong mas mataas, kunyari si crushie and funny enough i would have replenished energy kahit pagod na ako. sa mga climbs, i’d always say sa mga pagod na, guys let’s go, iniintay ako ni crushie sa summit, ayaw non ng mabagal let’s go! and that’s why you’ve been such a big part of my life kahit isang taon pa lang tayong nagkakakilala, so much have changed since i met you.

i attained the courage i’ve never had before. i’ve had so much stuff i wanted to do but i never found the trigger to start; i only found it with you. your pictures reaching summits, advancing kilometers and even discovering gems, it was just so inspirational and your encouragements just sparked some strength in me. akala ko kasi, malalakas lang ang namumundok, naggygym, tumatakbo, but you let me realize that anyone can do it, kahit hindi malakas or batak, basta you have the heart and passion to do it. and in a year, i’ve done so much and i couldn’t have done it or even started with it without you.

you also push me effectively that i’ve done things i definitely thought were impossible. though inaaway mo lang naman talaga ako but i don’t know how it affects me so much; your expectation and putting my shoes in yours. believe me i tried to train (dati lels) para makasabay kita pag runs or whatever, on your pace of 5min/km pero it was just stressing me out, i just enjoyed myself with a pace i am comfortable with. tinanggap ko na na hindi kita maabutan but i am just glad with my own growth instead.

you showed me a bigger world and made me appreciate more things around me. you brighten up my day kahit mangaaway ka lang pero i greatly appreciate your kind gestures and concern. indeed, you’ve been such a great friend and i am so glad na sobrang bait mo despite me teasing myself with you. desperada si teh ako na lang ang mangaasar sating dalawa haha though sana di ka na lang nakikiride para di ako kinikilig at umaasa ng slight ano hehe

anyway, long story short. jai, you inspired me in so many ways and i really thank you for that. i know you inspire a lot more people besides me and i do hope you stay grounded and keep inspiring more. i know it’s such a pressure to have so many people relying on you for good vibes but i know you will handle it well, but do know na if ever magkaproblema ka or you’re not feeling at your best, it would be my pleasure to be of help just like how you would to me. i know a lot of people admire you, hoping to be with you too and i am already lucky to be a good friend of yours. patay na patay ako sayo oo na pero oks lang ako haha i do hope you find that someone who would also make you this happy and inspired. you deserve it :)

okay na awat na lalaki na lalo ulo mo ang nipis nipis mo na nga haha so ayan, may blog na dedicated for you and kahit nakakahiya mga pinagsusulat ko dito, no holds barred kasi si teh mo, pero wala pa to sa kalahati ng feelings ko swear. haha ingat ka lagi, nasa puso ko lang naman lagi ikaw char. continue to be a blessing to others and hopefully kahit nagfeelings overload ako tonight, nothing would change between us haha kbye